140 What would you do if you managed to catch him?
Ryn closed her eyes tightly. A stubborn tear slipped out from her eye but quickly she wiped it away.
Maybe if she were to move into her parents' house, she would no longer need to face this problem.
And she might be able to forget what happened that day.
She could actually see that man sometimes when she closed her eyes. Despite the silence from him, she could feel the evilness from him.
What if she did not manage to save herself from him?
Would she be his next victim? Would her corpse be found in the middle of nowhere?
She shivered at the thought. Would she die before she could see her father and mother?
"My Catherine is not that weak, is she?" her mother's voice was so soothing, it slipped through her hazy mind.
"No..." Ryn choked out.
"You are way matured than your friends. So don't blame yourself for the incident. No one wants it to happen."
"Although your father and I are worried about you but we are all happy you are safe. Aren't you glad you are still breathing? Would you rather be dead to be happy?"
"No... no... I don't want to die," Ryn cried.
"So, why are you blaming yourself? Or are you blaming God for saving you?"
"No... I... I am not blaming anyone..."
Ryn chewed her bottom lip. Her face was already wet with tears. Did she blame God when she was blaming herself? Was this her fate?
"Everything happens has its own reason. It might be good and it might be bad but in the end, doesn't it make you appreciate your life? Doesn't it make you stronger?"
"Ask yourself truthfully, haven't you gained something from the experience?"
"I... I don't know what I've learned. I... I just can't stop thinking about it and think what if... what if I failed to call for help," Ryn cried.
"But you did manage to call for help, didn't you?"
"So there is no more what if, right?"
"Ryn, my darling. We cannot change what happened in the past. We can only learn from it and use the experience to face the future."
"Do you understand what I'm saying, Ryn?"
"I do... I do... but..."
"Those thoughts are only trying to make you weak. Use that thought to make you stronger. Change it to what would you do if that man has been caught and you could do anything you want to him. Tell me, dear, what do you want to do?"
Ryn closed her eyes and tried to picture than. Maybe her mother's voice was gentle and soothing, she could actually picture it.
In her mind, she could see the scene where the evil man was caught by the onlookers. She was facing him, shivering but managed to control it. The gap between them was about twenty steps but she could see him shivering too.
"Let me go. This is just a misunderstanding," the man cried, struggling to free herself from the grip of two men holding his arm tightly.
"Stop struggling!" a man shouted angrily.
Ryn was still standing there quietly, watching the man with her cold eyes.
She stepped forward. Her fists were firm next to her body. Each step she took gave her more encouragement, giving her more strength. And finally, she stood right in front of him.
He lifted his bloody and swollen face and looked at her. Instead of the scared look, he had before, he smirked. Then, without warning, he spit in Ryn's face.
Ryn gasped and took a few steps back. She managed to avoid the spit but it made her feel disgusted. She stared at him, no longer scared.
"What? Are you going to scream?" he asked her sarcastically before groaned in pain when hearing his provocation words, the men quickly beat him more.
It took two more men to calm everyone down before they accidentally killed the man.
Ryn took another deep breath and again took steps forward. The anger in her made the distance disappear quickly and soon enough she was standing right in front of him... again.
"Tell me why you're doing this to me?" Ryn asked coldly.
The man, barely holding onto his breath, forced himself to lift up his face. The smirk was still there, albeit this time it was a weak smirk.
The smirk made Ryn gone berserk. She used her hands to hit him, not crying but the hitting emphasized how strong her hatred toward him. How could he do this to her?
"Darling, are you still there?"
Her mother's voice snapped her from her imagination. She gasped, could not believe how vivid the picture was. It was so real for she was still angry.
"Have you ever thought of what I just said? What would you do if you managed to get that man caught that day?"
"I will kill him!"
"But mom, why aren't you scolding me for my evil thought?" Ryn asked slowly when she noticed her mother did not even scold her. Usually, she would be reprimanded for all the evil thoughts she had. Even if she only ate a burger when she was young, the scold would last for days!
"I... I'm not sure," Ryn stuttered. She was confused with her mother's weird attitude.
"My daughter, I know who you are. I am the one giving birth to you, watching you grow up and even educating you since you were a baby, but still until now I don't know why you love eating meats so much. Don't you know how evil it is to kill a young innocent, naive and cute cow for a small piece of burger? Don't you feel sorry for the cute cow?"
Ryn choked out when she heard her absent-minded mother changed the topic yet again. Whenever they talked about that related to food, her mother could not stop from nagging at her for being a meat lover. Of course each time she just ignored it. She just let her mother nagging to her heart content. Her mother would stop once she relieved all the frustration on behalf of the poor 'young, innocent and cute cow'.
It took her mother almost half an hour to stop her nagging. She gasped for air but finally, she remembered the previous topic. She groaned, which was heard by her speechless daughter on the next line.
Ryn was totally speechless. This time it took her mother more time than usual for her to be calmed. Even the tears on her face had dried while waiting!
"What did I just... well, we talked just now?" her mother's voice was quite low until it took Ryn several seconds to understand.
"About you did not scold me for my evil thought," Ryn reminded.
"Oh yes, that one," her mother laughed awkwardly.
Her mother kept laughing.
It seemed like her mother was unable to calm down.
Ryn quickly said goodbye and ended the call. She dropped the phone onto the bed and finally realized her still in her birthday suit. She shivered and glared at the air-con. So cold!
She finally went to the wardrobe to choose something to wear. She decided on the black plaid pyjama. Then, she brushed her hair.
The pain from hearing Jacob's question had disappeared, especially after the question her mother asked.
Her mother was right. It was no use of thinking of the past, hoping something could be done to change it. She should use the past to help facing her future.
She put the brush down and looked at her face in the mirror. So what if she had a few scars on her face and her body. She was still alive and kicking. She was not lying in an unknown place, in a shameful manner, rotting before anyone could find her.
She was still alive.
She should be glad for it. She should be thankful for it.
She was still given a chance to live. She was still given a chance to do what she should do.
God still loved her and she should be thankful for the chance He gave.
She tied her long hair into a loose bun. Then, she walked to the door leading to the balcony outside. She pulled the sliding door and stepped out. The night was getting darker and later, and it was windy. She returned back into the room to grab a crotchet blanket. Then, she went back to the balcony.
She sat on the chaise lounge chair and looked in front.
The things she could see was dark. It seemed like she spent quite a long time chatting with her mother just now until it was too late already.
As her room was facing toward the orchard, there was no light there. They only went there during the day so it was none actually thought of placing lights there.
But she did not mind it. She loved the darkness. She loved the smell of nature. The darkness limit her sight but the smell so sweet and full of nature.
It made her feel better. It made her calmer.
Tomorrow was another day and she could not promise this calmness could last till then. Right now, this moment was more important and hopefully, she prayed, this calmness and peace would last till tomorrow.